No matter, what happened between us, but I still begin my day by saying
'I love you' to your frame which is'nt there in my room but yes, it's
there in my old eyes. My fragile body, which is decaying with time,
feels helpless without you. Every morning I wish I could have gone with
you. There was a time when you were always there besides me to wake me
up and guide me towards the backyard to catch the glimpse of dawn. Now,
since your are gone I wait with my closed eyes, for you to re-appear
from somewhere and take me to the backyard. Your foot-marks from last
autumn that we spent together are still intact as though that season
had never passed. The Chill of morning gust made me feel the same pain
when you were with me, but now it had changed to something else. Sorry,
I can't even express those feelings in words.
Remember the candles, which you left gleaming! Now they do not even
heave up smoke. I always wonder if you were here, then at least they
had been sparkling endlessly. Nonetheless, now, when I am adrift in the
house, I always strive to feel your footfalls following mine, but they
appear nowhere. Curtains of the entire house are still left slightly
open, as you used to keep them, for my first look whenever I would come
back. But now, I always keep my eyes on them for your first look,
hoping that you would come back some moment. You know these growing
eyes had started turning blur and daily, I attempt to negotiate with
them for little more time. Even the kitchen does not smell the way it
used to and the food does'nt taste the same. Although, I still used to
cook the same as before, I fail to understand what has changed
suddenly. With every meal, I try to figure out is it the spices or the
proportion or the make. Everything appears to be the same except your
voice with grimace face.
Its summertime, all bright sunny days, but I guess I'm caught up with
cold. I cannot smell anything. House seems inodorous. Perhaps I am left
with no care that is the reason. Well, you know, I walk around the
entire house and try to smell your aroma but it has left the house. Why
don't I know? Perhaps it is due to summer's cold in which nose gets
choked. You know, whenever I seek you, I end up with heavy lump in my
throat, I am sure it is nothing but the cold but if you were here, I
had been enjoying good health and your natural fragrance.
Now, if power goes off, I call your name repeatedly in a polite manner.
It doesn't matter how far you would be, but I still call in low voice
since I know you hate listening your name in loud voice and
consequently I end up with no reply, even after hours. Perhaps, it's
due to your endless sleep, which you are having in your coffin.
How stupid am I. Despite of knowing that you were resting in peace I
always call you, I always seek you, I always wait to see your first
look, I always stroll around the entire house with a stick, glasses and
fragile body looking for you hoping that I might be wrong and you would
come somehow.
Now it's time to sleep, need to
wake up early to see the dawn.
Good night.
Yours…
Bassy
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